dear you, love me

"Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else." -- Judy Garland

Posts tagged bullying

60 notes

heyitsharper:

I didn’t write that.  My boyfriend did.  Normally I don’t like him looking at my phone, let alone texting people with it.
Of course, I was too busy bleeding out in a hospital to know or care.
———
[trigger warning. here be dragons.  scroll past if need be]
———
Suicide ideation and attempts are not unfamiliar territory for me.  That’s embarrassing to admit, but important to say.  That voice in my head, goading me towards death, has been a near-constant companion  of mine for at least three years.  It speaks up almost every day.  
“Go to the roof and jump off,” I’ll think while waiting for an audition.
“You could always just give up,” it tells me as I reach for the alarm clock.
“No one would miss you,” I say to myself, waiting for the light to change.
It’s a small voice, most of the time.  I ignore it. I reason against it.  I take medicine and go to therapy and create safe situations for myself.  I manage.  I thrive, even.  Most people in my life probably have no idea that this is something I struggle with.  
Sometimes, however, the voice is very loud.  Sometimes, I get scared.  Sometimes, I forget that I have friends who value me, and a boyfriend who loves me, a career I’m proud of, and every reason in the world to want to live.
Sometimes, I forget that there’s always another option.

I found myself the victim of a lot of hate recently, and I thought it was something I could deal with. After all, I work in a business that values a thick skin, and mine is usually just as good as anyone’s.  This particular instance, though, escalated far beyond what I could handle.  Forum threads, chatrooms, and private messages sought to hurt and discredit me.  Other people received messages that called me a liar or evil, and the friends who tried to stand up for me became targets themselves of the same kind of hate.  I felt demonized and humiliated at every turn.  I couldn’t sleep.  I was afraid to check my phone or my email, afraid to go online, and afraid to be anywhere other than in the darkest corner of my bedroom.  I cried, constantly.  
It got bad.  Bad enough for me to do something I shouldn’t have done.  And you know what?  They’ll probably forget about it in four weeks while i won’t be able to.  I’ll probably have these scars for the rest of my life to remind me of the time people who didn’t even know me hurt me so badly that I saw no other way to escape the pain other than killing myself.  I’ll have to look at these scars, and the others that I’ve given myself, and the invisible ones that are deep inside my heart that no one else can feel or see, and I’ll see a road map of every time I ever felt worthless, every time I felt as if there was no way out and no one who cared.  I’ll have to look at them, and try to move past it.  
I feel lucky.  Lucky that my boyfriend came home early.  Lucky that I hadn’t died on my way to the hospital.  Lucky that I didn’t put an end to a life that I know will be extraordinary and wonderful.  I know that other people are not so lucky.  If this ever happens to me again, I may not be either.  
Be kind to one another, guys.  Be gracious and respectful and open to offering forgiveness.  You can’t know what’s going on in someone else’s life.  Tell someone that you love them.  And please (please, self): reach out to someone if you ever come to doubt yourself.  
I hope that if I ever find myself venturing down this road again, I’ll read this.  So I’m going to remind myself, right now, that i am loved.  I’m going to remind myself to accept each extended hand that is offered to pull me from the depths of my depression when I don’t have the strength to escape.  Call your sister.  Call your boyfriend.  No matter how bad today gets, by tomorrow, today will have ended.  
Please, don’t give up.  I’m so glad that you’re still here.

I love you so much. I’m so glad you’re still here. I love you.

heyitsharper:

I didn’t write that.  My boyfriend did.  Normally I don’t like him looking at my phone, let alone texting people with it.

Of course, I was too busy bleeding out in a hospital to know or care.

———

[trigger warning. here be dragons.  scroll past if need be]

———

Suicide ideation and attempts are not unfamiliar territory for me.  That’s embarrassing to admit, but important to say.  That voice in my head, goading me towards death, has been a near-constant companion  of mine for at least three years.  It speaks up almost every day.  

“Go to the roof and jump off,” I’ll think while waiting for an audition.

“You could always just give up,” it tells me as I reach for the alarm clock.

“No one would miss you,” I say to myself, waiting for the light to change.

It’s a small voice, most of the time.  I ignore it. I reason against it.  I take medicine and go to therapy and create safe situations for myself.  I manage.  I thrive, even.  Most people in my life probably have no idea that this is something I struggle with.  

Sometimes, however, the voice is very loud.  Sometimes, I get scared.  Sometimes, I forget that I have friends who value me, and a boyfriend who loves me, a career I’m proud of, and every reason in the world to want to live.

Sometimes, I forget that there’s always another option.

earlier that day

I found myself the victim of a lot of hate recently, and I thought it was something I could deal with. After all, I work in a business that values a thick skin, and mine is usually just as good as anyone’s.  This particular instance, though, escalated far beyond what I could handle.  Forum threads, chatrooms, and private messages sought to hurt and discredit me.  Other people received messages that called me a liar or evil, and the friends who tried to stand up for me became targets themselves of the same kind of hate.  I felt demonized and humiliated at every turn.  I couldn’t sleep.  I was afraid to check my phone or my email, afraid to go online, and afraid to be anywhere other than in the darkest corner of my bedroom.  I cried, constantly.  

It got bad.  Bad enough for me to do something I shouldn’t have done.  And you know what?  They’ll probably forget about it in four weeks while i won’t be able to.  I’ll probably have these scars for the rest of my life to remind me of the time people who didn’t even know me hurt me so badly that I saw no other way to escape the pain other than killing myself.  I’ll have to look at these scars, and the others that I’ve given myself, and the invisible ones that are deep inside my heart that no one else can feel or see, and I’ll see a road map of every time I ever felt worthless, every time I felt as if there was no way out and no one who cared.  I’ll have to look at them, and try to move past it.  

I feel lucky.  Lucky that my boyfriend came home early.  Lucky that I hadn’t died on my way to the hospital.  Lucky that I didn’t put an end to a life that I know will be extraordinary and wonderful.  I know that other people are not so lucky.  If this ever happens to me again, I may not be either.  

Be kind to one another, guys.  Be gracious and respectful and open to offering forgiveness.  You can’t know what’s going on in someone else’s life.  Tell someone that you love them.  And please (please, self): reach out to someone if you ever come to doubt yourself.  

I hope that if I ever find myself venturing down this road again, I’ll read this.  So I’m going to remind myself, right now, that i am loved.  I’m going to remind myself to accept each extended hand that is offered to pull me from the depths of my depression when I don’t have the strength to escape.  Call your sister.  Call your boyfriend.  No matter how bad today gets, by tomorrow, today will have ended.  

Please, don’t give up.  I’m so glad that you’re still here.

I love you so much. I’m so glad you’re still here. I love you.

Filed under love depression suicide self harm bullying cyberbullying twloha help mental illness be kind

1 note

I heart…

dear you,

happy Wednesday!  today, take a minute to remind yourself how wonderful you are. you have so many unique, amazing, beautiful things about you. it’s easy to forget those things, especially if other people try to convince you otherwise, so take a minute to remember.

think of one thing you love about yourself. one thing that’s amazing, one thing that’s beautiful, one thing that you’re proud of, one thing you wouldn’t change for the world. or if that’s too hard right now, think of one thing that you kind of like. one thing that’s alright, one thing you think isn’t so bad.

write it down. write it here, write it on your blog, write it on your bathroom mirror, write it on a notebook by your bedstand. but write it down somewhere. write it, remember it, treasure it, believe it.

love, me

PS, what do you love about yourself?

Filed under i heart... wednesday you're beautiful body image self-worth self-image self-esteem bully bullying bullied depression self-hate self-harm eating disorder suicide love hate ugly beautiful

1 note

I heart…

dear you,

happy Wednesday! <3 I hope all of you have been having a good week so far. take a minute to remind yourself how wonderful you are. you have so many unique, amazing, beautiful things about you. it’s easy to forget those things, especially if other people try to convince you otherwise, so take a minute to remember.

think of one thing you love about yourself. one thing that’s amazing, one thing that’s beautiful, one thing that you’re proud of, one thing you wouldn’t change for the world. or if that’s too hard right now, think of one thing that you kind of like. one thing that’s alright, one thing you think isn’t so bad.

write it down. write it here, write it on your blog, write it on your bathroom mirror, write it on a notebook by your bedstand. but write it down somewhere. write it, remember it, treasure it, believe it.

love, me

PS, what do you love about yourself?

Filed under i heart... wednesday you're beautiful I love you body image self-esteem self-image bully bullying bullied depression self-worth self-love self-hate self-harm

0 notes

I think you’re…

dear you,

happy Saturday! think of the nicest thing someone said to you all week, and how it made you feel. who doesn’t love a kind word? so take today to go and find someone on tumblr (or in real life if you’re feeling ambitious), and find something you love about them or their blog, and tell them how amazing they are. send them a message starting with “I think you’re…” and completing the sentence with that something amazing about them.

you never know, you could save a life, dry a tear, spark a smile, or make a new friend. so go ahead, make someone’s day.

love, me

PS, I think you are incredible and amazingly beautiful.

Filed under i think you're... saturday you're beautiful compliment spread compliments spread the light self-esteem help love depression suicide bully bullying bullied help others be kind suicide

0 notes

I think you’re…

dear you,

happy Saturday! right now, go send someone a message in their ask box, starting with “I think you’re…” and completing the sentence with something positive about them, or their blog.

sometimes a kind message like that comes at exactly the right moment to brighten your day, or sometimes it’s just enough to get you through a rough patch, or simply makes you smile. 

how much time out of your day will it take to find one person, and say one nice thing to them?  you never know, you might save a life, be the spark of light in a dark tunnel, dry a tear, or create a smile. 

so go ahead, make someone’s day.

love, me

PS, I think you’re a beautiful, unique snowflake. <3

Filed under i think you're... saturday beautiful amazing you wonderful compliment say something nice spread love love life hope hate ugly self-worth help care bullying bully bullied depression suicide cutting

0 notes

I heart…

dear you,

happy Wednesday!  what’s your favorite thing about yourself? what’s that one thing about yourself that you really just love, because it makes all your flaws seem to disappear when someone compliments it? can’t think of something? what? you don’t have something like that, you say? well, I respectfully say that you’re wrong. you do have something like that, because each and every one of you has something incredible, unique, amazing, special, and utterly beautiful about you.

so today, find at least one thing you love about yourself—or even something that you like a little.  it doesn’t have to be a big thing, but find something about yourself that you love, that you’re proud of. write it down. write it here, or on your blog, or on a piece of paper on your bed-stand, or on your mirror. write it, remember it, treasure it, believe it.

love, me

what do you love about yourself?

Filed under I heart... wednesday self-love self-hate self-image self-esteem self-pity self-worth body-image body beautiful ugly love hate eating disorder ednos bully bullying depression suicide cutting self-harm

1 note

I heart…

dear you,

happy Wednesday! how’s everyone’s week? if any of you are as busy as I am (and will continue to be for the next few weeks), then I definitely encourage you to remember to take time out for yourself.  don’t get bogged down in the craziness of life and forget to take care of yourself.

so to help take care of yourself, today, remind yourself how wonderful you are. you have so many unique, amazing, beautiful things about you. it’s easy to forget those things, especially if other people try to convince you otherwise, so take a minute to remember.

think of one thing you love about yourself. one thing that’s amazing, one thing that’s beautiful, one thing that you’re proud of, one thing you wouldn’t change for the world. or if that’s too hard right now, think of one thing that you kind of like. one thing that’s alright, one thing you think isn’t so bad.

write it down. write it here, write it on your blog, write it on your bathroom mirror, write it on a notebook by your bedstand. but write it down somewhere. write it, remember it, treasure it, believe it.

love, me

PS, what do you love about yourself?

Filed under wednesday i heart... what do you love about yourself? you're beautiful help beautiful amazing special unique ugly cutting depression depressed suicide lonely alone bully bullied bullying self-love self-hate self-worth self-image body-image body

53 notes

xoxo-dearyouloveme:


in the United States, the average number of students in any given primary school is 446. that means that in any given primary school, an average of 44 or 45 students will drop out or switch schools because of repeated bullying.
the average number of students in any given middle school is 595. that means that in any given middle school, an average of 59 or 60 students will drop out or switch schools because of repeated bullying.
the average number of students in any given high school is 752. that means that in any given high school, an average of 75 or 76 students will drop out or switch schools because of repeated bullying.
one out of every ten.

xoxo-dearyouloveme:

in the United States, the average number of students in any given primary school is 446. that means that in any given primary school, an average of 44 or 45 students will drop out or switch schools because of repeated bullying.

the average number of students in any given middle school is 595. that means that in any given middle school, an average of 59 or 60 students will drop out or switch schools because of repeated bullying.

the average number of students in any given high school is 752. that means that in any given high school, an average of 75 or 76 students will drop out or switch schools because of repeated bullying.

one out of every ten.

(via things-that-shineee)

Filed under statistic school bullying bully 1/10